


Mirror Warped, and Dark, and Cold

by Ramzes



Series: Night So Dark and Star So Pale [5]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Dark fic, Multi, Twisted Romance, changed Elia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 00:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12947454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramzes/pseuds/Ramzes
Summary: He started taking his breath with forced steadiness, the unfavourable thought occurring to him that her true revenge had started now, when she no longer even wished it.





	Mirror Warped, and Dark, and Cold

Arthur could hear the voices, recognize them. Larra and Ryon Allyrion were talking through each other, his brother also said something with which they both vehemently disagreed and then Prince Doran’s voice interjected so very softly and yet imperiously enough to make them all keep quiet and listen. Arthur could not make out the words but from what the others had said moments before, he knew it was something about Essos and new kind of steels for arms that would make its way to Dorne soon enough. 

When he knocked at the door, though, everything quieted. He relayed Elia’s wish to have Aegon shown to the garrison at the city gates the next day and got Doran’s promise that he would send Dornish guards in addition to the Kingsguard and the gold cloaks. He noticed, though, that the conversation was not resumed before he left and closed the door. The distrust did not surprise him but it saddened him all the same. Sadness was the feeling that he listened to Elia talking to her brother with but this time, sadness was mixed with fragile, yet deep to the core joy. 

“There is no need to be this cautious, “ Elia was saying. “Who is he going to tell, the Tyrells? Lord Tywin? Who? He won’t betray Dorne’s secrets. To anyone.”

Doran’s voice was composure itself. “May I remind you that he betrayed Dorne once?” 

Despite the thick door separating them, Arthur could almost see Elia looking up in irritation. “He did it for Rhaegar but Rhaegar isn’t here anymore. His allegiance is to Aegon and me, Aegon’s mother.” 

“Precisely,” Doran agreed. His tone remained soft and patient but Arthur could hear the steel that now rang in it. “And Dorne and the Iron Throne aren’t the same thing. He already betrayed you and Dorne – on separate occasions. I don’t care how well he serves you… in whatever way you want him to. _I_ don’t trust him. And you know what? Ask his brother. He’s going to tell you the same thing.” 

Elia never did but that night, she was so passionate and tender at the same time that Arthur was amazed. For the first time since the world changed, their coupling was true lovemaking, without the restrictions that Elia forced on her emotions, and he was astounded just how attuned to his needs and preferences she had become while making herself not act on them, not indulge them if she had the presence of mind to stop herself. It was a gift beyond precious that she was giving him – and she was letting him give it to her which was even more precious. “Stay,” she murmured in the aftermath when he was about to roll off her, and he went to sleep with the feeling of her heart under his splayed palm.

 And then, nothing. For days. Weeks. Despite having ample opportunities. He should know. He was the one standing guard in front of her door for most of them. And he committed the final failures of his vows when he took advantage of this position to force his way into her bedchamber – well, not quite since it was not locked. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked without mincing words. 

She slowly put down the silver mirror that she was holding in front of her face. Despite having newer, better mirrors, sometimes she still liked the allurement of the old silver ones. Personally, Arthur only saw warped reflections and no allurement at all but that was the reason Elia loved them. “There’s much beauty in distorted, broken things,” she had said years ago.” And you know they’re broken. The glass mirrors only reflect back perfection which exists only on the surface.” How often had Arthur heard her and Ashara talk about this? 

“We need to stop,” she said without turning to look at him. 

This was what he had expected to hear and yet it took him by surprise. “Why? After the last time, I thought…” He paused. “I thought you loved me. You were… the way I imagine you would have been before all this happened, if we were still at Sunspear, and if you loved me and if you saw me in such low spirits…” He fell silent, realizing that his entire speech was made of _ifs_. But what else could he talk about? He had lost his grasp on reality. 

Elia would still not look at him. “I do,” she said. “I did. It was just…” 

“Don’t tell me it was just a bedding out of pity,” he snapped, suddenly scared that it had been just that. 

“No.” But Elia looked hesitant to say what it was. Or perhaps she did not know it herself. “I do love you and I think I realized it when I saw how affected you were by their distrust. But then…” 

“But then you decided that you can’t keep on your revenge,” Arthur guessed. “Not your vengeance and me at the same time. One had to go.” It terrified him that she had chosen to embrace vengeance instead of him and yet it made some kind of sad, warped logic. 

Now, Elia turned to look at him and shook her head. “No. You cured this vengeance out of me. I don’t know how but you did. I thank you, Arthur.” 

“But?” 

“But I don’t trust you. I’m sorry, Arthur. I don’t know why this is. It isn’t as if you even _have_ someone to betray me for. Since your return, you’ve been nothing but gentle and unyielding in your devotion to me, even when I was a creature of vengeance. I don’t even know if it was you or Rhaegar. I think it’s him because… Because. I thought that forgiving you and not forcing vengeance on myself would make me able to trust once again. But it didn’t. When I learned that Rhaegar had taken her and later, when I heard where you’ve shown them to and guarded them, I felt like someone had cut trust out of me. I can’t have you for vengeance now and I couldn’t bear the thought of having you without trust. I think that's why I do things that would have provoked distrust if we had not stoped it.” 

“What changed?” 

She gave him a look of utter incomprehension. “You said you _couldn’t_ bear the thought of having me without trust. But you don’t look as if I’m welcome here.” 

She hesitated, stirred, exposed pale flesh to him. He was so stunned by her actions that it took him time to realize what she was showing him. The dark place with the unmistakable imprint of… 

“Who is he?” he asked, fighting to control his voice. He had lost the fight for his hands already, for they were now balled in fists. Still better than being open because then, he might choke the life out of her! 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“You fell in love?” he asked, trying to make sense in a world that no longer made any sense at all. 

Elia shook her head. Her eyes were wide and clear. “I wanted someone in my bed and he… he isn’t you. He’ll never evoke the danger of this chaos and guilt that you’re inducing.” 

All of a sudden, he laughed darkly, bitterly at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. “Let’s see if I get this right. You’ve bedded someone else because he’s… safe? Because you don’t need to involve trust? You’ve taken someone else to your bed because _you_ don’t trust _me_?” 

She nodded. “I can’t explain it but this is so.” 

He started taking his breath with forced steadiness, the unfavourable thought occurring to him that her true revenge had started now, when she no longer even wished it. 

For how long would they be caught in this world of deceive, suppressed wishes, and warped reflections? Elia thought she was getting out of it but he could see that she was only sinking deeper. All of a sudden, Larra’s words echoed in his mind. “For us, shared bed was a matter of closeness, not the other way round.” It was this closeness that had kept them together after the trial of having her unduly favoured at his expense… 

“You don’t need to send me away, you know,” he said. “I won’t even try to convince you to give up on your safe man for your bed. Just… don’t deny me either, will you?” 

She stared at him, mouth agape. Quite right. Arthur did not know how his own mouth had stayed in place. On the other hand, he could not break his vow of chastity more than he already had. Still, the fact that he had broken his pride like this beggared belief and Elia clearly also thought so. “Why?” she finally asked. 

Arthur shrugged. “Because I love you and don’t want to lose you. I have already lost your trust. I don’t want to lose more of you. I mean, I do trust you. I won’t demand the same thing.”

 Elia slowly shook her head. “Despite knowing that you won’t be the only one?” 

“Despite everything, Elia. I think we both know now that reason has nothing to do with it. Are you going to try?” 

She thought about it, hesitated, looked at him with determination. “I can’t. It’s too… I can’t.” 

He nodded and rose. “I’ll leave you to rest, then,” he said, marveling at his own self-control. 

He was already at the door when she called him back. “Arthur!” 

He turned back, thinking of feigning indifference and abandoning the idea. Masking one’s feeling was not exactly the way to win trust. “Yes?” 

She stared at him, the silver mirror in her hand gathering all the light and distorting it. “Thank you.” She almost smiled. 

He smiled back.

* * *

 

 

**The End**


End file.
